Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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