were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
