My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He shit in the fireplace
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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