So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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