Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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