people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
