she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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