i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
