His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
