Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
