I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
