I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
