I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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