well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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