Yo dont text me then not text me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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