i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
