You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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