Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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