My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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