So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
