she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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