last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
