"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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