I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
