I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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