her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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