Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
