tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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