People in love make me want to vomit
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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