I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
