just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
