anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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