My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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