Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
