I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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