how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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