Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
