Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
