Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
