u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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