i think my mom watched the whole time
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
