he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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