I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
