If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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