I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
