Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
