In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
