I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
