I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
