She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
