Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
