how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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