I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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