I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
