Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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