She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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