i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
