just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I smell stomach acid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
