that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
