Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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