help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
