how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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