Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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