Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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