i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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