you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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