you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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