i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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