You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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