i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
