I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
