Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
