then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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