this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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