wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I want a musical about memes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
