She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
