I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
